D'oh!-kémon
by Missingno. Master
Summary: What do you get when Springfield's biggest (and I do mean BIGGEST) nerd frees a genie and is given three wishes? Yep- Pokémon becomes a reality for the people of Springfield! Initially, all goes well with this development, but soon enough, a sinister plot comes to light.
1. Prologue: Worst Prologue EVER

It was nearing the end of the day, a day like any other at The Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop. Kids from all over Springfield were visiting to peruse the various pieces of merchandise, often asking to purchase ridiculously valuable comic book issues for insultingly low prices, much to the consternation of the store's overweight proprietor, Jeff Albertson, better known around town as Comic Book Guy.

"Ugh!" grunted Jeff in obvious disgust as the door slammed shut. After much arguing and haggling, he had somehow been talked into selling an issue of Radioactive Man to that Milhouse kid for half price, just because he had also thrown in some piece of junk he had with him. It was probably worthless, of course- he only relented just to get the whole thing over and done with, and because there was nobody else in the store to see him accept such a pitiful offer (and thus think that he'd do the same for anybody who brought him a piece of junk from the dump).

Comic Book Guy glanced disdainfully down at the object on the counter before him. An ordinary desk lamp, dusty and dirty, lacking a light bulb. Besides that, however, it did at least look like it should still work. The cord was intact, no fraying to be seen, it wasn't cracked, chipped, or dented. The dust really looked to be the worst of it.

"Hmph. I suppose it could be worse," Jeff muttered reluctantly as he eyed the lamp. "Might as well deal with this dust before I put this anywhere near the comics I plan to read by this," he added, as he took a handful of the blue shirt that was trying (and failing) to cover his formidable flab, and started wiping the dust off.

Almost immediately, blue smoke billowed out of the light bulb socket. Startled, Jeff dropped the lamp back on the counter as a tremendous cloud of blue smoke filled The Android's Dungeon.

"What the-" Comic Book Guy began, but before he could say any more, the smoke dispersed, revealing an immense human-like figure, though with a wispy tail in place of legs, as blue as the smoke the lamp had just spouted.

"I am the genie of the lamp," he said, in a formidable, booming voice that echoed around the shop. "You who have freed me shall get three wishes."

"Oh, give me a break," Jeff said, rolling his eyes. "A genie from a modern desk lamp? Now I have seen everything."

The genie narrowed his eyes. "If you doubt my powers, I can go back into the lamp-" he began.

"Not so fast," Jeff interrupted. "I said the situation was ridiculous. I did not say I didn't intend to take advantage of said situation. I wish for complete immunity from heart disease and any other obesity-related health problems."

The genie raised an eyebrow. "You know, I could just take care of that belly instead," he offered. "Go straight to the source."

"Tempting, but no," said Comic Book Guy. "My wife Kumiko has grown accustomed to the shape I am in, thank you."

"Very well. It is done," nodded the genie, as he clapped his hands together, creating a booming sound, not unlike that of thunder. Indeed, at that moment, Jeff found that breathing came much easier to him.

"Well, well. It seems you were not kidding," he remarked, trying (unsuccessfully) to sound unimpressed. "Very well. I wish to be able to restore comic books to mint condition merely by touching them."

The genie clapped his hands again, once more creating a booming, thunderous sound. "Done," he replied. "You have but one wish left- think carefully and use it wisely."

For a moment, Jeff said nothing as he thought things through. "Very well. I wish for unlimited wishes," he stated.

The genie folded his arms. "No can do," he shook his head. "The Genies' Council sealed that loophole centuries ago."

"Damn," grumbled Jeff. "Very well. I wish for more genies."

The genie shook his head again. "That one's been sealed as well."

Comic Book Guy grumbled his disapproval, before another idea came to him. "Okay... I wish that when I use up my final wish, the number of remaining wishes I have loops back around to three-"

"They got that one, too," interrupted the genie. "You are hardly the first to seek out whatever loopholes there may be around the three-wish limit, and the Genies' Council is quick to jump on them. Like I said, you have but one wish left. Think carefully and use it wisely."

"Okay, okay!" said Jeff. "Let me see..." And then, his eyes widened as an idea occurred to him. "I think I may have something," he murmured. "Yes... And Kumiko would likely enjoy this as well..."

"What is your wish?" prompted the genie.

Comic Book guy looked up at the mythical creature, a smirk on his unshaven face. "I wish Pokémon was real!" he declared.

The genie responded with a booming clap of his hands, and for a moment, blue smoke obscured Jeff's vision entirely, until the lamp started to suck the smoke in through the light bulb socket. Once it had all vanished, Jeff could see that the genie was gone as well.

Comic Book Guy glanced around his store. Everything seemed normal. He glanced at the racks of comic books, at shelves of merchandise, at the Taillow flying past the window outside... wait, _what?_

Quickly, Jeff ran to the door and threw it open. Flocks of Taillow and Pidgey were flying overhead. A purple rodent scurried down the street, followed by several other Rattata. For a moment, Jeff was speechless. When finally he found his voice, he could only say three words;

"Best. Wish. EVER."


	2. Chapter 1: Don't Have A Miltank, Man

The sun was rising over Springfield, and as its rays peeked through the windows of 742 Evergreen Terrace, the occupant of one of those rooms silently cursed its presence. To 10-year-old Bart Simpson, sunlight meant morning, and morning meant... ugh... school. He didn't dare open his eyes, wanting desperately to sleep for just a little longer. He readjusted his pillow so it was blocking the sun's rays, and waited for the usual chirping of birds to soothe him back to sleep...

"TAILLOW! TAILLOW!"

Bart's eyes flew open and he bolted out of bed, part of him unsure if he had just heard what he thought he heard. He looked out his window, and sure enough, several dark blue birds were sitting on a tree branch outside. Those were Taillow- they were Pokémon! But Pokémon wasn't actually real- was it?

"Ay carumba!" Bart exclaimed.

A barking sound distracted Bart from the decidedly unusual sight- Santa's Little Helper, the Simpsons' greyhound, was looking up into the tree and barking at the new and unfamiliar birds. In response, the Taillow glanced down and flapped their wings, creating a powerful wind. Rather than try and fight the Whirlwind, Santa's Little Helper raced into his doghouse, at which point the Taillow stopped.

Just then, Bart could hear someone running into his room. "Bart! Bart!" exclaimed that someone. Turning around, Bart could see it was Lisa, his eight-year-old sister. She was still in her pajamas, her hair somehow still in its usual spiky shape even after she had just been sleeping, and she looked stunned. "What's going on? I looked out my window just now and I saw Snowball II chasing a Rattata!"

"I don't know!" replied Bart. "A bunch of Taillow just used Whirlwind on Santa's Little Helper! Somehow, Pokémon has become real!"

"How does something like that happen, though?" Lisa asked.

"I dunno," shrugged Bart. "Waste from the nuclear plant? Somebody gave God a Game Boy? Comic Book Guy freed a genie from a lamp? More importantly, who cares? Pokémon's real, and that's awesome!"

"But I dunno..." Lisa muttered. "I mean, in the games, you can catch and battle Pokémon, but now that they're real, wouldn't that be... kinda cruel?"

Bart rolled his eyes. "Lise, didn't you pay attention to Pokémon Black Version at all?" he asked. "Pokémon _like_ being caught and used in battles."

"But we don't know that that carries over to real life-" began Lisa, but just then, a shrill shriek from outside the room interrupted them.

A large, heavy, bald man raced down the hall. "MAAAAAARGE!" screamed Homer. "There's a spider in the bathroom! This one's huge! I need to squish it, where are the photo albums?!"

As Bart and Lisa peeked into the hallway, they could hear their mother replying. "You are not using our family photo albums to squish a little spider," Marge Simpson was saying.

" _No,_ I am _not_ using them to squish a little spider!" protested Homer. "I am _using_ them to squish _the Godzilla of spiders!_ "

Bart and Lisa exchanged looks. "Ariados?" Bart said.

"Either that or Galvantula," replied Lisa. With that, the siblings raced to the bathroom, and sure enough, once they got there, Bart spotted a large red arachnid scuttling around on the ceiling on a number of yellow and purple legs. Two huge stingers adorned its body, one on its head and the other on its rear.

"Hah! I knew it was an Ariados," smirked Bart. "I win."

"Bart! It wasn't a contest," protested Lisa.

"Yeah, says the loser," Bart shot back.

"See?! See?!" Homer was saying. Bart and Lisa turned around to see their father, pointing at the Ariados on the ceiling and cringing timidly. Beside him stood their mother, Marge Simpson, complete with her blue hair done up in a ridiculously tall hairdo. She was staring at the Ariados, mouth agape, clearly not having expected an arachnid of such proportions.

"Wha- wh- what is _that?_ " Marge finally managed to say.

"An Ariados," said Bart.

"An aria-what?"asked Homer.

"It's a kind of Pokémon," Lisa explained. "I don't know how to explain it, but Pokémon seems to have become real overnight."

"Oh, I doubt that," said Marge, shaking her head.

"Hey, tell that to bug-zilla up there," Homer added, pointing to the Ariados. "A spider that size, I'll believe anything at this point."

"Homer, you'll believe anything," said Marge. "Just last week, you thought the sky was falling."

"But it _was_ falling!" Homer protested. "I went outside and chunks of it hit me in the head!"

"Those were chunks of hail! It was hailing!" argued Marge.

As Homer and Marge continued their debate about the previous week's hailstorm, Lisa walked over to the bathroom window and opened it. Almost immediately, the Ariados crawled out the window, at which point she slammed it shut. "Problem solved," Lisa announced.

"-because everybody knows that clouds are the sky's duct tape!" Homer was saying. He then noticed Lisa standing by the window, and more importantly, the lack of really big spiders in the bathroom. "Hmm? Lisa? Where'd that ariadoodle whatsit go?" he asked.

"It's called Ariados," Lisa corrected Homer. "And all I had to do was open the window and it crawled right out."

"Attagirl," smiled Homer. "Now what was that about your video games coming to life?"

~~~Fifteen minutes later~~~

"...And that's pretty much the gist of it," Lisa concluded. The family was seated around the kitchen table- all four of them, plus Maggie, Lisa's baby sister. Were it not for the blue bow in her hair and the pacifier ever-present in her mouth, Maggie would look exactly like a younger Lisa.

"...Wow," Homer said. "These Pokémons sound amazing! Can any of them shoot donuts?"

"No, Homer," sighed Bart. "There's one called Combee that makes honey, but that's as close as it gets." They had decided to not mention to Homer that there was a Pokémon that looked like it was made entirely out of cotton candy- it was agreed all around that Homer Simpson knowing that sort of thing couldn't possibly end well.

"D'oh!" groaned Homer. Before anything else could be said, however, Lisa had turned on the TV in their kitchen, to find a news report underway.

"Yes, it seems that overnight, hundreds of creatures known as Pokémon mysteriously came into existence," the reporter was saying. "These Pokémon originate from a Japanese video game series of the same name, and can be captured by the use of these spherical devices," he added, as he held up a red and white sphere, the two halves separated by a black band going around the middle. A white button was set into the band. "This is called a Poké Ball, and throwing one at a Pokémon makes it possible to catch it. To make things even more mysterious, residents of Springfield have reported finding these Poké Balls in their mailboxes, usually five per resident. This is Kent Brockman reporting-" he paused for a moment, exchanging muttered words with someone just offscreen, before turning back to the camera. "This just in- Mayor Quimby has just stated at a press conference that he deems the capture, raising, and battling of these Pokémon creatures to be completely legal." As he stated this, a picture came up on the screen of Mayor Joe Quimby standing behind a podium. On Quimby's shoulder sat a pink blob of a Pokémon with a simplistic smiley face.

"Woo-hoo!" Homer cheered.

"Sweet!" Bart grinned.

Lisa had already left the room, and just now, she re-entered with a large package in her hands. She placed it on the table and the family converged on it, brown paper flying in every direction. Once they backed off, they saw a pile of red and white spheres, just as Kent Brockman had reported. Eagerly, Bart, Lisa, and Homer each took a handful.

"Homer, shouldn't you be getting to work?" Marge reminded him.

"You're right, Marge," nodded Homer. "My workstation won't sleep at itself, after all!" Before Marge could object to what he had said, Homer was out the door and getting into his car.

"This is gonna be awesome," Bart grinned, looking at the Poké Balls he had nabbed.

"Mmm, I don't know," Marge said uncertainly. "Pokémon would just be more to clean up after, wouldn't they?"

"Mom, I know the perfect Pokémon for you," declared Lisa. "I saw one in the yard earlier, hopefully Snowball II hasn't eaten it..." With that, she led Marge out the back door.

Lisa and Marge looked around the backyard. Santa's Little Helper seemed to have gotten over the previous Taillow attack, and was sleeping peacefully in his doghouse... Snowball II, a cat with black fur, was snoozing by the door... and then, Lisa saw it- a light grey creature with a furry tail and large ears, wandering around on all fours.

"There, Mom!" Lisa said, pointing to the new creature. "That one's called a Minccino. They use their tails like brooms to clean anything dirty they find, so if anything, it should make your housework even easier."

"Huh. I like the sound of that!" Marge smiled. "OK, so how do I operate one of these?" she asked, looking down at the Poké Ball in her hand.

"Alright. First, you want to make sure it's at full size," Lisa explained. "See how it's the size of a ping-pong ball? Press the button." Marge did so, and immediately, a quiet whirring sound issued from the ball as it somehow expanded to the size of a baseball in her hand.

"Ooh!" Marge said, evidently impressed.

"OK, now throw it at the Minccino," Lisa instructed.

"Won't that hurt it?" Marge worried.

"Don't worry, Mom," Lisa reassured her. "If this works anything like the games, it won't hurt it at all."

"Alright... here goes nothing!" said Marge as she heaved the sphere at the wandering Normal-type. Her aim, thankfully, was dead-on, for the ball struck Minccino. At that instant, Minccino turned into a shapeless mass of red energy. At the same time, the ball split open along the black band, and the energy was sucked inside. The ball then snapped shut and fell to the ground.

"Did it work?" asked Marge.

"Wait," said Lisa, for the ball was shaking back and forth on the ground, a red light flashing on and off on the Poké Ball's button. This went on for several seconds, before the ball fell still and gave off a low-pitched ping. "Now it worked," smiled Lisa. "You just caught your first Pokémon, Mom!"

Happy about this, Marge walked over and picked up the Poké Ball containing her new Minccino. "Hmm... How do I get it out?" she asked Lisa.

"Just toss it into the air," replied Lisa. "And maybe tell it to come out, too, I think they can hear through them."

"Alright," nodded Marge, as she tossed the Poké Ball straight up into the air. "Minccino, come on out!" she said.

The ball split open in midair, and a blast of white energy spilled out. It formed itself into a familiar shape once it hit the ground, and the light faded, revealing Minccino once again. It glanced up at Marge curiously. "Cino?" it squeaked.

"Hello, Minccino," smiled Marge. "How'd you like to help me clean my house?"

Minccino smiled broadly. "Cino, cino!" it squealed. Wasting no time, it raced into the house through the still-open back door, and proceeded to dust off the kitchen table with its tail.

"Thanks for your help, Lisa," smiled Marge. "Are you going to catch a Pokémon, too?"

"Sure, maybe after school-" began Lisa, just as the phone rang.

Marge picked up the phone. "Hello? Yes? I see. Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Bart, I told you to get rid of that voice changing gizmo! Of course you're not Bart, of course, I'm sorry... OK, thank you."

"What was that about?" asked Bart, re-entering the kitchen.

"Your school called," explained Marge. "You have the day off."

"Woo-hoo!" cheered Bart and Lisa simultaneously.

~~~Meanwhile...~~~

"Mother, we've seen dozens of different Pokémon already!" grumbled Seymour Skinner. He was walking with his mother through a local park, in which numerous kinds of Pokémon were roaming around. As he spoke, a Bidoof was ambling past them. "I've had to cancel school for the day just because you can't decide on one you like."

"It's not my fault," Agnes Skinner retorted, folding her arms. "They're all profound disappointments, just like you! Now you're not going anywhere until you find me a Pokémon I like, Seymour!"

"Yes, mother..." groaned Seymour.


	3. Chapter 2: Bart Catches A Pokémon

Bart was enjoying his day off thoroughly as he skateboarded through the streets of Springfield. He was armed with a slingshot and several Poké Balls, and had his eyes peeled for any that he deemed interesting. Thus far, he had spotted several Pidove, a Rattata or two, and a flock of Hoppip, none of which really caught his eye. And then, just as he passed the church, he spotted a brown and black reptilian creature. It had a long, toothy snout, and looked as though it was wearing sunglasses.

"Whoa-ho-ho, a Sandile! Cool!" grinned Bart. He brought his skateboard to a stop, still a fair distance away from the Desert Croc Pokémon. Reaching into his pockets, he took a Poké Ball out of one pocket, and his slingshot out of the other. Bart enlarged the Poké Ball to its full size, then loaded it into the slingshot and took careful aim. It still hadn't yet noticed his presence.

"OK, Sandile," Bart muttered as he lined up his shot. "Get ready to get caught! Go, Poké Ball!" As he said this, he fired the Poké Ball from his slingshot, and to his delight, his aim was true- the ball struck Sandile dead-on and sucked it inside, just as Marge's ball had done to that Minccino. Bart cackled, skateboarding closer to the ball as it wobbled back and forth- but then, cracks formed in the ball, and it burst open. Sandile reappeared, and was now glaring at Bart.

"Saaaandile," growled Sandile. And then, it attacked the ground beneath it with its claws. "Sandididididile!" it exclaimed as it dug its way underground.

"Aw, man," grumbled Bart. "That should've been mine!"

"Ha-haw!" came a familiar laugh from behind Bart. He turned around to see a four boys standing nearby- Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney, the local bullies. Nelson was pointing at Bart. "Ha-haw!" he repeated. "You couldn't catch a stupid Sandile!"

"Hey, gimme a break, it was my first try," Bart replied.

Jimbo, the tallest of the bunch, wearing a purple knit cap and a black shirt with a skull on it, scoffed. "So what?" he said. "I caught this on my first try," he added, holding up a Poké Ball. It split open, and the energy it unleashed formed into a blue-skinned humanoid Pokémon clad in karate gear.

"A Sawk?!" Bart exclaimed. "What the hell? How do you catch something that good without weakening it?"

"Who says I didn't weaken it?"retorted Jimbo, punching one hand with his other.

"Eeesh," shuddered Bart.

"I caught one on my first try, too," Nelson added, producing a Poké Ball from his pocket, ad unleashing another humanoid Pokémon. This one was a shade of blue-grey, and sported a tail, as well as several ridges on his head.

The Pokémon flexed its muscles. "Machop!" it exclaimed.

Dolph and Kearney did likewise, each producing another Fighting-type from a Poké Ball. Dolph's ball unleashed a beige Pokémon with a piece of lumber slung over its shoulder, and Kearney's unleashed what could only be described as a cross between a bird and a Mexican wrestler.

"Ay carumba!" Bart exclaimed. "Timburr? Hawlucha? Where are you guys finding these?"

"Over at the junkyard," said Nelson. "But you don't got what it takes to take on a Fighting-type by yourself. No offense, Bart, but I've seen you punch before, and it's weak stuff."

"You could catch a Poison-type, like Koffing or Grimer," added Kearney. "They're showing up like crazy around the tire fire."

"Yeah, we'll see," said Bart. "There's gotta be some Pokémon around town for me..."

Just then, a voice sounded from behind the bullies. "Scraaaaaggy! Scraaaaaggy!" In response, the bullies and their Pokémon turned around. Bart also looked, and he saw a yellow Pokémon with a large head and loose skin that bore a great resemblance to extremely baggy pants. It was stomping the ground, holding up its pants with both hands, and glaring at the bullies.

"Ha-haw!" laughed Nelson. "That puny thing's back again?"

"I'll deal with it this time," offered Kearney. "Hawlucha, Wing Attack!"

"What's the deal with that Scraggy?" Bart asked Nelson as Kearney's Hawlucha lunged forward.

"It's been following us since the junkyard," Nelson explained. "We found it after we each caught something, but it couldn't stand up to any of our Pokémon, so we didn't think it was worth our while to catch."

At that moment, Scraggy collapsed to the ground and struggled to get up. In response, the bullies and their Pokémon laughed and walked off. "Smell ya later, Bart!" called Nelson.

As they walked away, Bart watched the Scraggy get back up. "Scraaaaggy..." it feebly shouted after them, attempting to amble after them.

"Hey, hey, whoa, hold it," Bart said, stepping in. "Look, don't bother with those guys, OK? You don't need to prove anything to them. You kept on trying to fight them even after losing all those times, right? That takes guts, doesn't it?"

"Scraaggy..." murmured Scraggy, as though believing Bart to have a valid point.

"Hey," Bart added, on a sudden inspiration. "You know what? You've convinced me you're tough. Why don't you come with me?"

"Scrag! Scraggy!" Scraggy nodded emphatically.

"Awesome!" grinned Bart, as he took a Poké Ball out of his pocket. "OK, hop in."

"Scraggy!" agreed Scraggy as it slammed its head into the ball's button, enlarging it to full size and sucking itself in at the same time. This time, the ball barely shook in Bart's hand before it fell still.

Bart cackled triumphantly as he held up the ball. "Get ready to eat my shorts, world!" he exclaimed. "Bart Simpson just caught his first Pokémon!"

~~~Meanwhile...~~~

Lisa and Maggie were in the park, both of them watching as a Poké Ball shook violently in the grass. After several tense moments, it came to a stop. "Yes!" Lisa cheered as she picked it up. "Look, Maggie! I caught one!" Maggie merely sucked on her pacifier in response.

Lisa looked at the Poké Ball in her hand, so ecstatic that she didn't notice Maggie crawling off towards the nearby pond. As the youngest Simpson neared the water, however, something red jumped out and landed on the grass, flopping in place pathetically. "Karp, karp, karp, karp..." it repeated. Maggie watched this for a minute, before taking the pacifier out of her mouth and putting it in the fish's mouth.

As this was happening, Lisa tossed her Poké Ball into the air. "Come out, Kricketot!" she exclaimed. As the ball opened up, the energy it released formed itself into a relatively large insect, one that almost looked like it was wearing a red suit of some sort.

"Kricke?" it chirped.

"I'm Lisa," smiled Lisa. "I'm your Trainer, Kricketot! Do you like jazz?"

Kricketot merely tilted its head.

"I'll show you," said Lisa. She reached behind her, and picked up the saxophone she had brought off the ground. Then, she began to play a jazzy tune on it. Kricketot chirped happily in response to the music, and began to bang its antennae together, creating a clacking noise in perfect time with the music. Thrilled with her new Pokémon's apparent taste in music, Lisa continued to play. At least, until she felt something tugging at her clothes. "Hmm?" Lisa murmured as she stopped playing and looked down. Maggie was standing there, her pacifier back in her mouth. She was dragging something behind her. "Maggie, what's that?" asked Lisa.

In response, Maggie pulled the red fish she had found in front of her. It flopped in place on the grass, seemingly OK for not being in the water.

"Aww, Maggie, you got a Pokémon, too!" smiled Lisa. "Here you go, here's a Poké Ball to keep the nice Magikarp in," she added, presenting a red-and-white sphere to her little sister. Maggie accepted the ball, and tapped Magikarp with it. The Water-type was pulled inside, and it barely shook before making a low-pitched pinging sound. Then, Maggie held up the ball and sucked her pacifier twice, and Magikarp burst back out of the ball. Once this was done, Maggie pushed the button on the ball and it shrunk back down, and then she wedged the ball into the ring she would grab on her pacifier to pull it out of her mouth.

"OK, so I caught a Kricketot, and you got a Magikarp... Mom's got that Minccino... I wonder if Bart and Dad caught anything yet?" Lisa wondered out loud.


	4. Chapter 3: You Better Have Burns Heal

Homer Simpson was hard at work. At least, that was the story he was sticking to. The fact that the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant had yet to be totally destroyed, he figured, would surely say something to everyone else about his abilities as the safety inspector. It did, in fact- it said that he was damn lucky.

Homer was lying down at his workstation, snoring lightly, without fear of being caught, for the camera that monitored his workstation was cleverly covered by a photo showing Homer looking thoughtful and hardworking. Of course, it never occurred to Homer that his boss might start wondering why he wasn't moving, but then, many things never do occur to him.

Eventually, Homer awoke, relaxed and refreshed. "Ahh, that's better," he grunted. "Nothing like a morning nap to get you all set for a hard day's-" he stopped and sniffed the air. "Mmm... donuts," he murmured in a trance-like monotone, starting to salivate. Indeed, a familiar scent had permeated the air, and he rose from his seat, following the scent all the way to the break room. And sure enough, as Homer got to the break room, he could see the donut boxes, already opened and waiting for him.

With all the eagerness of a little kid chasing down an ice cream truck, Homer dashed over to the donut boxes and plunged his hand into the nearest one... but felt only cardboard and crumbs. "What the-" he said, looking into the boxes- they were empty!

Homer fell to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he wailed. "Why? WHY?! They were so young! So fresh! So jelly-filled!"

In response to his anguish, Homer heard a belch from behind him. Realizing that this must have come from the culprit, Homer wheeled around, whereupon he spotted a shapeless green blob atop another table. It belched again, and this time, an empty plate flew out of its sizable mouth. Judging by the crumbs on it, it very recently played host to a pile of cookies.

"Not the cookies!" Homer exclaimed. "Why you little-!" He lunged at the blob, but it hopped off the table and started to make its way towards the vending machine. Homer's hands grabbed nothing but thin air as the blob started to ram the machine, trying to dislodge candy bars and bags of chips. "Ohhhh, not the vending machine!" Homer whined. "Stop doing the things I do!"

The blob, of course, didn't listen. It continued to ram the vending machine, managing to dislodge a Twix bar, which fell right into its waiting mouth.

"Ohhhhhh!" Homer groaned. "Stupid blob Pokémon thingy, eating all my food... Wait a minute," he added, taking a red-and-white sphere out of his pocket. "Lisa said something about these things..."

 _They can catch Pokémon,_ his brain said to him. _This is good._

"Explain," Homer said (out loud, despite addressing his own brain).

 _If the Pokémon is in there, it can't eat your food out here,_ explained Homer's brain.

"Ohhh, I see," Homer grinned. "OK, then! This one's for my donuts!" he bellowed, launching the sphere at the green blob. It hit the weird creature right in the black diamond-shaped patch on its back, and sucked it in, and not a moment too soon- with the blob no longer waiting with its mouth agape, the Butterfinger bar it had just dislodged fell to the floor, completely uneaten and ripe for the picking. The ball shook back and forth, but ultimately fell still.

Homer walked over and scooped up both the ball and the candy bar. "Whoo-hoo!" he cheered. "I caught one!"

"Simpson!" barked a voice from behind him.

Homer shrieked and turned around- his ancient, decrepit boss, Charles Montgomery Burns, was standing in the doorway, glaring at him disdainfully. Behind him stood Waylon Smithers, Burns's assistant. "AAH! Uh, um, Mr. Burns!" Homer stammered.

"Simpson, what is the meaning of this?" Burns demanded. "I go to your workstation to see why you haven't moved in the past three quarters of an hour, and not only are you not there, I find this in front of my surveillance camera!" he exclaimed, holding up the photo Homer had placed in front of the camera.

"I can explain-" began Homer.

"And furthermore," continued Burns, "I find you in the break room, gobbling down donuts and cookies, and attacking the vending machine like some sort of cheapskate neanderthal!"

"But Mr. Burns, that wasn't me!" Homer protested. "There was this stupid green blob eating everything, I trapped it in this ball!" he exclaimed, pointing to the Poké Ball in his hand. Unhelpfully, he still had the Butterfinger bar in his hand, and in fact had used it to point to the ball.

"Bah!" scoffed Burns. "You expect me to believe a fantastic tale like that? You must think I'm stupid!"

"Well, yes, but I'm still telling the truth!" Homer replied.

"Bah!" repeated Burns. "I'm docking you a week's pay for this, Simpson, and be grateful it isn't more! Now get back to work!"

"D'oh!" Homer grunted, though raised no further arguments as he stormed from the room.

Burns sighed. "Smithers, why must my lowly underlings disrespect me so?" he asked. "Imagine, trapping some green blob in a tiny ball like that..."

"Sir, didn't you watch the news this morning?" asked Smithers. "Simpson was holding a Poké Ball."

"Pokay... ball?" repeated Burns, raising an eyebrow.

Smithers nodded, producing a Poké Ball of his own. "They can be used to catch and store Pokémon, the strange creatures that came into existence last night," he explained. "I caught one on the way here, in fact, and I'd like you to have it, sir," he added, holding out the ball.

Burns swiped the ball from Smithers's hand. "How do you work this thing, Smithers?" he demanded, examining the sphere from various angles.

"Throw it into the air, or simply ask the Pokémon to come out," stated Smithers.

"Well, I haven't thrown anything but my back in several decades," remarked Burns. "So... get out here!" he ordered, holding up the ball. It split open, and formed into a feline figure on the floor. A gold coin was embedded in the cat's forehead.

"It's called a Meowth, sir," Smithers explained. "Pokémon come in all kinds, with all sorts of powers."

"Spare me," spat Burns. "Unless this feline can create money out of thin air, I'm not interested."

"Meowth?" meowed the Meowth. In response to Burns's statement, the gold coin on its forehead glowed brightly. And then, numerous gold coins fired out of the gold coin, clattering on the floor. Burns's eyes widened as he watched a small fortune amass on the floor.

"Smithers, what sorcery is this?" Burns murmured.

"That's one of Meowth's attacks, sir," explained Smithers. "It's called Pay Day. Meowth's one of the few Pokémon that can learn it. You can make an even bigger fortune than you already have with this."

Burns tented his fingers and smirked unpleasantly. "Excellent," he replied ominously. "Come, Smithers- if these Pokémans really do have powers as incredible as you claim, then we have work to do..."

~~~Meanwhile...~~~

"D'ooooh, stupid Burns," Homer was grumbling. "Stupid, stupid, stupid-"

"Hey, Homer, what's he done now?" came a voice. Homer turned to see Lenny and Carl, two of his co-workers, coming his way. Following behind them were a pair of human-like Pokémon, identical in appearance, each one looking like it wore a pair of brown shorts and matching shoes.

"Ohhhh, this stupid green blob thing was eating all the donuts," Homer complained. "I managed to catch it in this Poké Ball, I stopped it from cleaning out the vending machine, and Burns thought I was doing all that instead, so he's docked me a week's pay!"

"Green blob thing?" asked Carl. "Did it have, like, a yellow feather thing on its head?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?" said Homer.

"That's a Gulpin," explained Lenny. "They'll eat anything. Me and Carl caught Pokémon, too- check 'em out," he added, stepping aside to show the pair of human-shaped creatures now sparring with each other.

"Yeah, they're called Tyrogue," said Carl. "We saw 'em at the junkyard on the way to work, so we figured, why not? And they got great moves, too. Tyrogue, High Jump Kick!" he added, addressing his Tyrogue.

"Tyrogue, Mach Punch!" replied Lenny. Before Homer could say anything, Lenny and Carl had launched into a Pokémon battle in the hallway, so he headed back to his workstation, lest Burns try to blame this on him too somehow.

After what seemed like forever, the work day came to an end. As Homer pulled his car into the driveway back at his house, he got out and threw his Poké Ball into the air. In a flash of light, the ball unleashed the Gulpin he had caught earlier. It sat on the ground and looked up at him. At least, he thought it looked up at him. Its eyes were like slits, so he couldn't really tell.

"OK, you," Homer growled. "Here's the thing. You're rude, you're hungry, you eat everything you find without thinking, hey, maybe it belongs to somebody! You're like a living stomach with no brain, you... you're... you're a Simpson," he said, his eyes widening as he felt a newfound respect for the Gulpin. He picked the Poison-type up and hugged it. "Aww, welcome to the family, Gulpin!"

"Gul- BEEEELLLLLCH- pin," replied Gulpin.

Gulpin still in his arms, Homer opened the door and walked into the house. It was much cleaner than usual, though he didn't notice this. "Honey, I'm home," called Homer.

"Hi, Homie," Marge greeted him. "What do you think?"

Homer gave a blank stare. "About what?" he asked.

"The house," replied Marge. "Don't you notice anything different about it?"

Homer glanced around. As he frantically eyed the various features of the house, looking for some kind of difference, the overall improved cleanliness failed to occur to him. "Uh... new paint?" he guessed.

"It's clean!" Marge exclaimed. "And what's that you're holding?"

"Ah!" Homer grinned, glad for a change in subject. "Marge, meet my very first Pokémon- Gulpin!" Gulpin looked up at Marge and belched.

Marge sighed uncertainly. "I don't know, Homie. What does it eat?"

"That's the beauty part, Marge- it eats anything!" grinned Homer. "Next time you make too much of one of Lisa's smelly vegetarian meals, you can just feed Gulpin the rest instead of wasting valuable fridge space!"

"I refrigerate the leftovers so Lisa can eat it later," frowned Marge.

Homer chuckled. "Marge, Marge, Marge. It's vegetables, Marge! They grow back, you can always make more- What the hell is that?!" he exclaimed suddenly, pointing behind Marge.

Marge turned to look, and spotted Minccino, using its tail to clean the coffee table. "Oh, there you are!" smiled Marge. "Homie, look- I caught this Minccino this morning! It's been helping me clean the house, it's amazing!"

"Cino," Minccino smiled modestly.

"Oooh," Homer replied. "Now that you mention it, the house does look a bit cleaner." Marge facepalmed. "Oh, don't worry, honey," Homer added. "I'm not giving Minccino all the credit here. This house would descend into chaos without you, there's no way that Pokémon of yours could ever take your place.

"Aww," Marge replied, managing a small smile. Much as Homer had misinterpreted the reason behind her facepalm, and as dense as he so often was, never could it be said that he didn't love and appreciate her. After the couple shared a kiss, Marge spoke up again. "Now be sure to dress nice before dinner," she added. "We're having Patty and Selma over."

Homer fell to his knees. "D'OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" he wailed.

Marge sighed. "I know you don't like them, Homer, but they're my sisters, and I want you to be nice, OK?"

Homer groaned. "Ohhhh... If I wanted to have my dinner with ugly scenery and the stench of smoke, I'd eat at that Krusty Burger near the tire fire!" As he caught sight of the pleading look Marge was giving him, however, he relented. "Ohh... OK," he sighed. "I'll be nice to Fatty and Smell-ma- er, Patty and Selma," he quickly corrected himself. "Just know that I would only do this for you, Marge," he added. "At least tell me the kids have to suffer through this along with me."

"They do, they do," Marge assured him. "They should be home soon. And apparently, they've all caught Pokémon of their own, too!"

At that moment, the sound of a door slamming interrupted Marge, as Bart and Lisa ran into the living room, Maggie lagging behind, dragging her Magikarp behind her.

"How was your day, kids?" Marge asked.

"It was great, Mom," Bart grinned. "Check out the Pokémon I caught!" With that, he loaded a Poké Ball into his slingshot and fired it into the next room. A flash of light emerged from the room, and the ball flew back into Bart's hand as Scraggy entered the living room.

"Oooh, very tough-looking," Marge observed. "Alright, Lisa, let's see yours."

"'Kay, Kricketot, come out!" exclaimed Lisa as she hurled her Poké Ball into the air. In a flash of light, the red-suited insect materialized.

"Kricke! Kricketot!" trilled Kricketot.

Homer tilted his head. "What does it do?" he asked.

"Allow me to demonstrate," smiled Lisa. "Bart, if you would, please instruct Scraggy to attack Kricketot."

"Oh-ho-ho, with pleasure, Lise," smirked Bart, before turning to face Scraggy. "Alright, man, you heard the girl. Let's go with Headbutt."

"Scraggy!" nodded Scraggy, before charging right at Kricketot.

Lisa didn't even bat an eye. "Kricketot, Bide!" she ordered.

"Tot!" replied Kricketot, as a pale red aura formed all around its body. Scraggy lunged forward and rammed into it headfirst, repeatedly, but the Bug-type didn't so much as flinch.

"Ay carumba," Bart muttered. "I figured two or three Headbutts and it'd be out for sure!"

Lisa's grin widened. "Well done, Kricketot," she said. "Now! Double the damage!"

"Kricke... TOOOOOOOT!" bellowed Kricketot. A tremendous beam of white energy fired itself off, blasting Scraggy with tremendous power. The Shedding Pokémon stood no chance and collapsed to the floor.

"Kricketot's Bide attack allows it to store energy from the next few attacks aimed at it," Lisa was explaining. "And then, once it's stored up enough energy, it unleashes it all at once, hitting the opponent for twice as much damage as Kricketot itself took."

"Very impressive," smiled Marge.

"I liked when it shot the laser thingy," added Homer. "And what about you, Maggie?" he added, turning to his baby daughter and speaking in a more baby-like tone. "What did my little Maggie catch today?"

In response, Maggie sucked twice on her pacifier and stepped aside to give Homer a better view of the Magikarp currently flopping on the floor. "Karp, karp, karp, karp, karp..." it kept repeating.

"...BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Homer burst out laughing. "It's just flopping around like normal fish!"

"Daaaad," whined Lisa. "That's a Magikarp, you shouldn't make fun of it."

"Why?" asked Homer. "What kind of attack does that thing have?"

"Well... right now, it can only really use Splash, which is what it's probably doing right now," admitted Lisa. "But still-"

"AHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Homer guffawed. "Oh, no! God forbid I anger the mighty flopping Magikarp overlord! What's it gonna do? _Get my ankles wet?_ " Apparently, Homer found that last bit to be particularly humorous, and he laughed even harder.

Magikarp did not react to this, but Maggie wasn't looking too pleased. She turned to Magikarp, took the pacifier out of her mouth, and offered it to Magikarp, who accepted it and started sucking on it. Maggie then dragged Magikarp into the other room.

About an hour later, dinner was ready, the delicious scent of pork chops permeating the house (and mesmerizing one Homer J. Simpson in the process). Homer, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, and Marge were all dressed up nicely, and their Pokémon were all in their Poké Balls, except Minccino, who was helping to clean in the kitchen, and Magikarp, who Marge had put in their fish tank. At long last, the doorbell rang, which was almost immediately drowned out by Homer's loud, drawn-out groan of anguish.


	5. Chapter 4: Dinner And A D'oh!

The front door opened up, and contrary to Homer's wild hopes that it would be literally anyone else on the face of the Earth, there stood before him a pair of women whose looks would make him seriously question the whole concept of genetics, if only he grasped said concept to begin with. Patty and Selma Bouvier were, to put it mildly, plain. They bore identical expressions of disinterest, their hair was a pale blue-purple, and they each had a lit cigarette in their mouths. The only real way to tell them apart was their hair- Patty's was an afro, whereas Selma's was in a vague M-shape.

"Look, Selma- the missing link," Patty said, in a gruff, unpleasant voice. This elicited gruntlike chuckling from the both of them.

Homer was all too tempted to come back with a witty remark- he was especially liking the sound of calling them Fatty and Smell-ma as he did earlier- but instead he gritted his teeth and chose his words carefully. "Hello, Patty. Hello, Selma," he said through gritted teeth. "Please come in."

"Heh. It speaks!" chuckled Selma as she led the way inside. Homer said nothing in response, but gritted his teeth harder, his promise to Marge being the only thing stopping him from throwing them out then and there.

They sat down at the table, and before long, dinner was served, with Homer happily digging in to a plate piled high with pork chops, each bite a blissful distraction from Marge's sisters.

"So, Patty, Selma, how's things down at the DMV?" Marge asked.

"Same as ever," replied Patty.

"Boring, dull, repetitive- it's like being married to Homer, except the DMV doesn't eat you out of house and home," added Selma.

"Now, that's not nice," frowned Marge. "My Homie is a sweet, sensitive man, and every day married to him is like an adventure."

"Yeah, whether you like it or not," Bart piped up.

"Bart!" said Marge.

Bart shrugged. "Am I wrong?" he replied.

"Can you two at least put out those things?" Homer asked, referring to the cigarettes Patty and Selma were smoking between bites.

"Hmm, lemme think about it," said Patty. The twin sisters exchanged brief glances, then simultaneously said, "Naaaaaah."

"Well, as long as you thought about it," said Homer.

"So!" Lisa said, trying desperately to change the subject to something more pleasant, "Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, did you two catch any Pokémon yet?"

"Yeah," nodded Selma. "We each got one on the way to work, wanna see them?"

"Only if you put out those cigarettes first," Homer said.

"Please put them out," Marge asked her sisters. "You can give him that much."

"Fine," sighed Patty. She and Selma extinguished their cigarettes in the ashtray, then they each produced a Poké Ball and tossed them into the air. From each ball emerged an identical creature. Each one possessed two heads, a shade of light purple identical to their Trainers' hair, and looks on their faces eerily similar to their Trainers' faces. To top it all off, they each emitted puffs of smelly yellow smoke from various crater-like pores on their body.

"Weezing weez," they groaned.

"D'oh!" Homer grunted.

"Homie, would you please set out some food for Patty and Selma's... uh... what are they called Lisa?" Marge whispered.

"They're called Weezing," Lisa whispered back. "They're Poison-type Pokémon that eat garbage."

"Of course they are," Homer grumbled. And then, before he knew it, both Weezing were circling him with interest. "Gah- what the-" Homer stammered.

"Oh-ho-ho, they like you," smirked Selma.

"Then again," put in Patty, "considering their diet, I'm not surprised." They started laughing again. Homer gritted his teeth, though did at least notice that Patty and Selma's Weezing weren't joining in on the laughter. They didn't look like they disagreed with their Trainers, but at least they weren't laughing at Homer. In fact, were it not for the horrible stench, Homer figured it might actually be more tolerable to have the Weezing around than Patty and Selma.

Lisa looked at her aunts. "Aren't you two worried about the effects Weezing would have on the environment?" she asked them as Homer got up and went into the kitchen, with the Weezing following close behind him.

"Lise, I think the ship sailed on that one when they took up smoking," Bart remarked.

"Actually, if anything, they could help the environment," stated Selma. "They eat garbage, which means there's less garbage clogging up the dumps."

"When we caught these two, they were eating tires off the tire fire," added Patty. "I give it a couple of months, that thing'll be history."

"Wow," Lisa remarked, sounding impressed. "But what about their gases?"

"Ehh, they only make harmful gas when they're angry," said Patty. "And we've yet to see them get angry."

At that moment, Homer re-entered the dining room. "Your Weezing are currently dining on some of the finest garbage the Simpson household has to offer," he said through gritted teeth. "Will there be anything else?"

"No, no," smirked Patty. "We wouldn't want to give you too much to do at once."

"Yeah," added Selma. "Wouldn't want to overload your tiny little brain." This got them chuckling again.

"Tiny little-" Homer grumbled to himself, but he held his tongue nonetheless. He sat back down, intending to distract himself with more pork chops. The ones he had initially piled on his plate were long gone, and only one remained on the platter at the center of the table. He reached over with his fork-

"Yoink!" said Selma as her fork was the first to spear the pork chop.

"What the fork?!" Homer exclaimed as Selma chowed down on the pork chop, making deliberately exaggerated sounds of enjoyment.

"Homie..." Marge said warningly.

"Marge," Homer said through gritted teeth. "May I see you in the kitchen for a moment?"

As Homer and Marge entered the kitchen, Bart and Lisa exchanged curious glances and leaned back in their seats, hoping to listen in on the conversation.

"Marge, I've been holding back all evening!" Homer pleaded, down on his knees. "Please, can I _please_ treat them like crap? Just _one_ barrage of insults, that's all I ask! I'm going crazy here!"

Marge sighed. "Homie, it's just a little longer," she said. "You can come in here whenever you need a break, but please, just until they leave."

"Ohhhhh!" groaned Homer. "Can I at least vent in here a little bit before I go back in there?"

"Um... Oh..." sighed Marge, but at that point, Minccino hopped down off the counter and dashed into the living room. It returned almost immediately, dragging a pillow behind it.

"Cino! Cino Minccino!" it squeaked.

Homer's eyes lit up. "Ooh, yes, thank you, Minccino!" he grinned as he took the pillow. " _Yes..._ just hold this over their faces for a minute-"

"I was thinking more along the lines of you shouting into it," Marge hastily interrupted. "That way, you can vent your frustration and still be nice to my sisters."

"That works, too," said Homer. He took a deep breath, held the pillow to his mouth, and let loose. The pillow muffled the words beyond recognition, but it did surprisingly little for the volume. Homer's muffled screams, swears, and insults echoed throughout the house. Minccino rolled its ears up in displeasure; Santa's Little Helper yelped and raced out through the doggy door; Snowball II screeched and raced under the couch; Patty and Selma's Weezing closed their eyes and tried to ignore it. Only Magikarp seemed unperturbed by Homer's muffled outburst as it continued to swim around the fish tank.

Homer finally lowered the pillow. "Hah... Whoo... Oh my God, I needed that," he sighed. "Thank you, Marge," he smiled. "And Minccino," he added to the Normal-type. "Oh, that's much better. OK. I think I can make it through the rest of the night, Marge," he said with a smile.

"Hmm," Marge groaned uncertainly as she followed him.


	6. Chapter 5: The Simpsons Want To Battle!

The rest of the night didn't go quite as well as Marge had hoped. After dinner, Homer, Bart, and Lisa showed their Pokémon to Patty and Selma, which led to them mocking Gulpin just as much as they mocked Homer. Annoyed, Gulpin had fired streams of Sludge into their faces in retaliation, and Patty and Selma left shortly afterwards.

"But Marge, I kept my promise, didn't I?" Homer was saying. "I _was_ nice to your sisters. In fact, under the circumstances, I was a _saint_ to them! You didn't say anything about _Gulpin_ having to be nice to them!"

"Oh, I know, but still," sighed Marge. "Just once I'd like for my sisters to visit without things going horribly wrong."

"I'd like that too," nodded Homer. "And it can be done- all they gotta do is not call me the missing link. Or say that you could do better. Or recommend divorce lawyers to you every half-hour. Or throw Poké Balls at me because they claim to have mistaken me for a Slowbro. Or-"

"Yes, I get the point," Marge interrupted. "Still, even so, Homie, I do appreciate you making an effort tonight," she added, moving closer to him.

"Aaaand, that's our cue to get the hell out," Bart said to Lisa. Maggie followed them, with Magikarp flopping by her side.

"You two should be heading to bed anyway," Marge told them. "It's getting late." She and Homer got up at that point to put their kids to bed, after which point Marge... ahem... showed her appreciation for Homer's behavior, before they went to sleep themselves.

The next morning, Bart awoke bright and early. Today, he realized, was Saturday- no school. "Sweet!" Bart grinned. "Principal Skin-rash gave us a three-day weekend!" And then, he heard the sound of Lisa playing her saxophone, along with a rhythmic clacking noise, in perfect time with the music. Not having heard this before, he wandered down the hall and looked into Lisa's room.

Lisa was playing her saxophone, sure enough, but her Kricketot was by her side, knocking its antennae together to create that clacking noise. And then, just as Lisa finished the song, Kricketot's body gave off a brilliant flash of blue light in every direction.

"Ay carumba!" Bart exclaimed.

"Ohhhh!" Lisa gasped.

At the commotion, Homer and Marge came running. "Lisa!?" exclaimed Marge. "What's happening to your Kricketot?!"

"It's evolving!" Bart exclaimed.

"Do what now?" Homer asked as Kricketot's glowing form began to change shape. It grew taller, its stubby arms lengthened considerably, and its antennae seemed to move down a bit, with new, thinner antennae growing in its place.

At last, the glow faded- Kricketot was no more. In its place, there stood what appeared to be a cross between a bug and a violin. Its mustache was impressive, very similar in appearance to Kricketot's antennae. Its long, thin arms looked to be tipped with blades. Its torso wasn't just shaped like a violin, but it also looked like one as well. "Krickikikikiki tuuuuuuuuuuuuune!" trilled the new Pokémon.

"Wow!" Lisa smiled. "Kricketot evolved into Kricketune!"

"What do you mean, it evolved?" asked Marge.

"You see, many Pokémon can change very suddenly into their next stage," Lisa explained. "This is called Pokémon evolution. Kricketot was the first stage, and now it's a Kricketune. Kricketune are stronger and faster than Kricketot, and they may not be able to keep time with their antennae like Kricketot can anymore, but now it should have a new talent. Ready, Kricketune?" asked Lisa.

"Tuuuuune," sang Kricketune, nodding its head.

With that, Lisa began to play again, and Kricketune started crossing its blade-like arms across its torso, producing a beautiful violin-esque sound to complement the saxophone music.

"Ooh, wow!" Marge smiled.

"That ain't half bad," Homer admitted.

"Way to go, Lise," chimed in Bart.

They all had breakfast following this, after which Bart headed out with his Scraggy and his skateboard- now that Lisa's Kricketot had evolved, Bart didn't want Scraggy to fall behind!

The rest of the family had gone out into the backyard- Homer and Marge had decided to have their first Pokémon battle, and Lisa was intent on helping them out.

"Mom, just don't worry," Lisa was saying. "Pokémon enjoy battling, and if they get tired out, we can just take them to Springfield's Pokémon Center. The good one, not the one Dr. Nick Riviera runs out of the back of a van."

"Well, OK," Marge said uncertainly, before turning to the small grey rodent on the ground before her. "Minccino, do you think you're ready for this?"

Minccino nodded. "Cino, cino!" it exclaimed determinedly.

"Ready, Marge?" called Homer from the other side of the yard. "Me and Gulpin are all set to go!"

"Gul! Pin!" added the green blob on the ground before Homer.

"OK..." Marge exhaled, before consulting the piece of paper on which she had written down all the attacks she figured out Minccino could use. "Minccino... um... use Tail Slap!"

"Cino!" squeaked Minccino. It took a running start, then jumped at Gulpin and slammed its tail into the Poison-type repeatedly. Gulpin grunted with each blow it took.

"What the-" Homer spluttered. "You gonna take that, Gulpin? Fight back with Sludge!"

"Gulpin pin, GulPIIIIIIN!" bellowed Gulpin. It opened its mouth wide and spewed a stream of vile black gunk at Minccino, who squealed its displeasure.

Marge groaned unhappily as Minccino desperately tried to shake the sludge off of its fur. "Oh, uh..."

"Mom!" called Lisa. "Gulpin's a Poison-type! Remember what I told you about type advantages!"

"Right..." murmured Marge. "Um... oh, yeah, Ground moves! Minccino, Dig!"

"Cino!" replied Minccino as it attacked the ground with its front paws, burrowing its way underground.

"What- Gulpin, look out!" Homer called.

"Gul? Pin?" Gulpin murmured as it looked around. And then, the ground right under it broke apart as Minccino jumped out, tackling it hard.

"There it is, Gulpin!" Homer exclaimed, pointing at Minccino. "Ice Beam!"

"GulPIIIIIIIN!" bellowed Gulpin. Its feather glowed pale blue, and a sphere of pale blue energy charged up in front of it. Then, a powerful beam of energy flew off from the sphere and struck Minccino's tail, causing ice to form where it struck.

"Minccino, get out of the way!" Marge called, and then, an idea came to her. "Then use Tail Slap again!" she added.

"Min!" grunted Minccino as it ducked and rolled out of the way of the Ice Beam. Then, it charged at Gulpin once more and slammed its tail into the Poison-type. This time, the ice that had gathered on the tail made it hit harder, and as the ice shattered on impact, Gulpin was pelted with little shards of ice.

"Way to go, Mom!" Lisa cheered. Even Maggie sucked her pacifier more rapidly as her way of cheering, and Magikarp's flopping somehow seemed more congratulatory than usual.

"D'ooooh," grunted Homer. "Alright, Gulpin, time to go for broke. Lisa says this is the most powerful move you got, so let's give it a shot. Gunk Shot attack!"

"Minccino! Hyper Voice!" commanded Marge.

Gulpin opened its mouth wide, and what appeared to be a huge, full, purple, glowing garbage bag formed within its mouth. At the same time, Minccino rolled up its ears and took a deep breath, And then, the attacks were fired simultaneously. Gulpin launched the garbage bag, and Minccino screamed at the top of its lungs, visible soundwaves actually flying out of its mouth. The sheer power behind the Hyper Voice stopped the Gunk Shot in midair, and then the garbage bag disintegrated entirely, leaving Gulpin to take the full force of the Gunk Shot. The Poison-type rolled back and came to a stop at Homer's feet, unconscious.

"D'oh!" Homer grunted.

"Yes!" Marge cheered.

Homer held out the Poké Ball and pointed it at his unconscious Poison-type. "Gulpin, return," he grumbled. Once Gulpin was back in its ball, he looked back up at Marge. "I'm taking Gulpin to the Pokémon Center," he stated.

"Are you really?" asked Marge. "Or are you just going to Moe's?"

"Marge! I am shocked!" exclaimed Homer. "Give me some credit- is it not conceivable that I could do both? Sheesh!" With that, he walked to his car, giving Marge no opportunity for rebuttal.

Marge gave an annoyed groan. Lisa, meanwhile, peeked over the fence into the next-door yard, where another battle was underway.

"Sunkern, Absorb!" exclaimed Rod Flanders.

"Sunkern!" squeaked the tiny Seed Pokémon as it siphoned minimal amounts of energy off of its opponent... another Sunkern.

"Yay! Sunkern, Absorb!" cheered Todd Flanders. In response, his own Sunkern repeated the attack Rod's Sunkern had just used.

"Uh... Mr. Flanders?" Lisa said, addressing the man watching the battle unfold. "That battle's not really... going anywhere."

"Well, that's kind of the point," chuckled Ned Flanders. "Nobody loses, everybody wins."

"Uh... that's not really how it works," Lisa said uncertainly. "If you want, I could try and find your sons a couple of Sun Stones, so their Sunkern can at least evolve into Sunflo-"

"Tha- wha- evolve?!" spluttered Ned. "No Po-diddly-okémon of my family's is going to side with that Charles Dar-diddly-arwin over the lord!"

"But Mr. Flanders, it's not that kind of evolu-" began Lisa, but Ned was already clapping his hands over his ears.

"I'm not listening! La, la, la, la, I can't hear-diddly-ear you!" Ned exclaimed loudly. "Amaaaaaaziiiiing graaaaaace, how sweeeeeeet the soooooound..." At this point, Lisa abandoned the attempt altogether and went to play with Maggie and Magikarp.

~~~Meanwhile...~~~

"...So I told Marge I'd take Gulpin to the Pokémon Center, but that's all the way across town," Homer was saying. He was seated in a barstool in the dismal, dimly lit interior of Moe's Tavern. "Moe, you installed one of those Pokémon healing dealies, right?"

"Eh, sorry, Homer," replied Moe Syzlak, the bartender and owner. "Those are expensive, and this place ain't pullin' in that kind of dough."

"Ohhhhh!" groaned Homer.

"Maybe you could've taken Gulpin t'the Pokémon Center before comin' here," came a voice from Homer's right. Barney Gumbel, the local drunk, was sitting by Homer's side, several empty Duff beer bottles already littering the floor around him.

"Oh, get real, Barney," grumbled Homer.

"Nah, it'ss a good idea!" protested Barney, slurring his words somewhat. "I take my Spinda there every day!"

"Spiii-iiii-iiiinda," came a voice from somewhere behind them. Homer looked to see a cute beige Pokémon with several reddish-brown spots on its body, and a pair of black spirals where eyes ought to be. It stood upright, had a bottle of Duff in one front paw, and was stumbling around as though drunk.

"The best part is, you can never tell if it's drunk, cuz it always acts like that anyway!" Barney declared.

"Clever," Homer remarked, nodding approvingly. It was then that he noticed Lenny and Carl having a Pokémon battle, but with decidedly different Pokémon than he had seen them with before. Both were vaguely human-shaped, like Tyrogue. One was brown with long, spring-like legs, and the other was beige with red boxing gloves for hands.

"Lenny, Carl, what are those?" asked Homer.

"Check it out, Homer- our Tyrogue evolved!" Lenny replied. "This is Hitmonlee."

"Yeah, and this is Hitmonchan," added Carl. "I dunno why they evolved differently, but I can't complain." Lenny and Carl then turned their attention back to the battle. "Hitmonchan, High Jump Kick!" Carl called.

"Hitmonlee, Mach Punch!" yelled Lenny.

As the two Fighting-types duked it out, Homer turned back around to take another gulp of beer, when the phone rang. Moe picked it up almost immediately. "Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking," he greeted the caller. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. OK, I'll check," he said before turning to face the bar. "Uh, phone call for a Ms. Dorke? Ms. Ima Dorke? Hey, everyone!" Moe shouted. "Ima Dorke!"

The bar patrons responded with uproarious laughter. "You sure are, Moe!" Barney called.

"What- the- ooooh" grumbled Moe as he wheeled around and muttered angrily into the phone, ignoring the laughter coming from the other end. "Listen here, you little puke. If I ever get ahold of you, I'm gonna catch me a Wailmer, make you swallow its Poké Ball, and call it out in your stomach." And he hung up, fuming.

"Aw, you'll get him someday, Moe," chuckled Homer.

Meanwhile, Bart and a kid his age with glasses and blue hair were laughing hysterically. The latter of the two was Milhouse Van Houten, Bart's best friend, and they were laughing so hard they could barely stand up to walk away from the pay phone.

"Oh, man, Bart, how do you keep coming up with those names?" chuckled Milhouse. "They just keep getting better!"

"It's a gift," smirked Bart. "So, how about a battle?"

"Sure!" exclaimed Milhouse. "I've been training my Pokémon all day yesterday! It's ready to rumble! But after the battle, we gotta go and buy more Poké Balls..."

"Did you run out again?" demanded Bart.

"Hey, that Doduo was green!" argued Milhouse. "Green, I tell you! And if I had had just one more ball, I'd have gotten it for sure!"

"Yeah, yeah," Bart said dismissively. "Alright, this looks like a good place," he added, for they had arrived at an empty basketball court.

"All right!" grinned Milhouse as he ran over to the other end of the court. Once he got there, he produced a Poké Ball and threw it. "Plusle, I choose you!" he exclaimed, as a small yellow and red rodent materialized on the ground.

Bart scoffed. "You're kidding, right? We can handle this." He loaded a Poké Ball into his slingshot, aimed it straight up, and fired. "Scraggy, attack!" called Bart.

In a flash of light, Bart's Scraggy appeared before them. Its eyes narrowed as the Shedding Pokémon regarded its Electric-type opponent.

"Aw, we're not scared!" Milhouse said defiantly. "Plusle, Thunderbolt!"

"Plaaaa-haaaaaaa!" squeaked Plusle as its red cheeks crackled with electricity. It then fired off a massive bolt of lightning.

"Block it, Scraggy!" Bart ordered. Immediately, Scraggy pulled up its loose baggy "pants" skin, which managed to deflect most of the attack. A little electricity crackled around Scraggy, however, so Bart knew the attack wasn't completely blocked.

"Okay, now, Plusle, use Mega Punch!" ordered Milhouse.

"Wait for it..." Bart instructed Scraggy. Indeed, Scraggy simply stood in place as Plusle came in close. It had made a fist, and the fist was glowing white... "Now! Use Payback!" Bart exclaimed.

"Plusle!" exclaimed Milhouse, but it was too late- just as Bart had planned, it was way too late for Plusle to stop its attack, and Scraggy took the Mega Punch. At that point, however, a sinister purple-black aura came over Scraggy, and it slammed its tail into Plusle, sending it flying backwards.

"Ha-ha-haaaa! And now use Dragon Pulse!" cackled Bart.

"Plusle! Signal Beam!" cried Milhouse.

Scraggy launched a blast of energy from its mouth, pale green in color, which took the shape of an impressive dragon in midair, while Plusle fired off a multicolored beam of energy. The two attacks collided in midair, each cancelling the other out.

"Scraggy! High Jump Kick!" ordered Bart. "Finish it!"

"Use Quick Attack!" cried Milhouse.

The two Pokémon converged on each other, Plusle accelerating with each second, Scraggy lunging forward knee-first. They collided in midair, Plusle's head connecting with Scraggy's knee... and Scraggy immediately overpowered the Electric-type, sending Plusle plummeting to the ground, where it lay still and unconscious.

"Aw, man," sighed Milhouse as he held out his Poké Ball and withdrew Plusle.

Bart and Scraggy exchanged a high-five. "Hey, good battling, Scraggy," grinned Bart. "Milhouse," he added. "Don't you have anything else?"

"Well, only one, but it's not for battling," admitted Milhouse. "It's a Luvdisc I caught in the lake, it's gonna be a gift for Lisa, so she'll know how I feel about her."

"Dude, she already knows," Bart reminded him. "You tell her every chance you get and then some."

"I'm still gonna give her the Luvdisc," Milhouse said stubbornly.

They continued on in this vein all the way to the Kwik-E-Mart. How they were able to manufacture Poké Balls when Pokémon had only just came into existence the previous day, nobody quite knew (except, of course, Comic Book Guy), but the people of Springfield were never ones to look a gift Ponyta in the mouth.


	7. Chapter 6: Grand Theft Pokémon

Ever since Pokémon had become real, things had never been better in Springfield. Everyone was happier, Pokémon battles were quickly taking the place of actual violence, and everything was nice. Well... almost everything.

Several weeks after Pokémon first became real, A tall man skulked down Evergreen Terrace. A tall man with wild red hair. A tall man with wild red hair and giant feet. "At last," Sideshow Bob muttered to himself, a deranged grin slowly creeping up his face. "I finally have the means to exact the ultimate revenge on Bart Simpson." He looked down at the Poké Ball in his hand, still grinning evilly. "I toss this Poké Ball in through an open window when it gets dark, and Pawniard comes out, locates Bart, and runs him through with a well-placed Poison Jab. Simple, yet elegant."

"Not so fast, Sideshow Bob!"came a voice from behind him. The big-footed felon wheeled around to spot the biggest, most rotund police officer Springfield had to offer- Chief Clancy Wiggum. He was wielding a Poké Ball of his own and aiming it right at Sideshow Bob. "You're under arrest for conspiracy to commit murder!"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," Sideshow Bob said smoothly.

"Wha- how do you not know what I'm talking about?" demanded Wiggum. "I heard you clear as day, plotting to kill Bart Simpson just now!"

"Well, if that's what you want to believe, so be it," shrugged Bob. "But I will not let this go without a battle."

"Then a battle it is, then," smirked Wiggum, as he threw his Poké Ball. "Go get 'im, Growlithe!" he exclaimed.

The ball burst open, unleashing an orange puppy with black stripes and the occasional tuft of beige fur. "Grrrrrrowlithe!" it barked, growling as he noticed Sideshow Bob.

"Hm, it would seem you'd have me at a bit of a disadvantage," Bob murmured. "So I just won't use Pawniard, then. Sandslash!" he exclaimed, producing and throwing a second Poké Ball, unleashing a dirty-yellow creature with long, sharp claws at the end of each limb, and sharp brown spines all along its back.

"Use Flamethrower!" ordered Clancy.

"Earth Power!" exclaimed Bob.

Growlithe opened its mouth, and unleashed a stream of fire in Sandslash's direction, but the Ground-type had other plans. The ground beneath Growlithe began to erupt with power, disrupting its attack and sending it flying.

"Do it! Crush Claw!" Bob exclaimed.

"Growlithe, Close Combat!" ordered Wiggum.

But before the attacking could resume, a pair of bipedal crocodiles, each one a fierce shade of red, zoomed past the two Trainers. Each Krookodile seemed to leave them unharmed, but as the humans very quickly found out, the Dark/Ground-types had in fact made off with their Poké Balls!

"Hey, give those back!" whined Chief Wiggum as the pair of Krookodile withdrew the Pokémon into the purloined Poké Balls. "I only have the one Growlithe!"

"And I want my Pawniard and Sandslash back as well!" demanded Bob.

"Yeah, no, you're not getting them, if anything, they're going straight into police custody," said Wiggum sternly. "I still know what I heard."

"Chief Wiggum, perhaps you're not grasping the severity of the situation at hand," said Sideshow Bob. "WE'VE BEEN FRIGGIN' _ROBBED!_ "

"I know what the situation is!" snapped Wiggum. "Geez. You don't have to yell at me- oh, hang on," he added as his cell phone began ringing. "Yeah, hello? Yeah, hi, Eddie, what- But that just happened to me, too! What- Oh, well, that's not what robbed me, these were, what do you call 'em... Krookodile, I think. The red ones, yeah. Why, which ones looted the station? Honchkrow? Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can. Well, Bob," he said as he hung up. "Looks like you and I are gonna have to work together on this-" As Chief Wiggum turned to face Sideshow Bob, however, he saw that he was gone. "Aw, nuts," sighed Wiggum.

~~~Meanwhile...~~~

In other parts of town, it was becoming increasingly clear that what happened to Chief Wiggum and Sideshow Bob was not an isolated incident. Reports were coming in from all over, from Krusty the Clown to Reverend Lovejoy, from Moleman to Duffman, all reporting the same thing- their Pokémon were being stolen by various Dark-types. For three days, the citizens of Springfield found themselves the victims of Pokémon theft, with relatively few exceptions. Fortunately for the Simpson family, thanks to the brilliant idea of barricading themselves in their house, they were among these exceptions.

"The only logical conclusion here," Marge was saying to the rest of the family as they holed up in their living room, "is that Dark-types are evil. Bart, you're going to have to surrender your Scraggy to the police, OK?"

"No! Not Scraggy!" Bart whined, clutching the Poké Ball tightly to his chest. "Scraggy's not evil, I swear it! Look, I'll prove it- Santa's Little Helper has been barking at all the evil Dark-types we've seen from our house lately, right? Even before they started stealing anything, right? Well, let me send Scraggy out, and we'll see if he barks."

"Hmm, alright," Marge said uncertainly. "But if that dog so much as yaps, Scraggy's out of here."

"Here, boy!" called Bart, eager to get the test underway and clear his Pokémon's name. As the greyhound dashed into the living room, Bart tossed his Poké Ball into the air, unleashing Scraggy into the room. Santa's Little Helper sniffed the Shedding Pokémon curiously, and regarded it warily for a moment... and then began licking its face.

"Ohh, good boy!" Bart grinned as he started scratching behind Santa's Little Helper's ears.

"You guys, Dark-type Pokémon aren't inherently evil," Lisa protested. "They're just very popular with evil people. Someone must be controlling those Dark-types, but who could it be?"

"I wouldn't put this sort of thing past Sideshow Bob," Bart said at once.

"Bart, Sideshow Bob was finally arrested yesterday, don't you remember?" Lisa reminded him. "He's under constant police surveillance. There's no way this is him."

"Well, who could it be, then?" demanded Bart.

Before anyone could answer, a booming voice sounded from outside. "It is I!" it announced. After exchanging nervous glances, the family slowly approached the front window. A sleek, black limousine was driving down Evergreen Terrace, with speakers built into the roof, currently broadcasting the monologue of its unknown passenger. "People of Springfield, I am the one responsible for stealing your Pokémon! With their powers being mine to command, I will find it an easy task to take over! First Springfield, then... Smithers, what state are we in again?" Another occupant of the car mumbled an answer that was conveniently drowned out by ill-timed static, and the person in the car spoke up again. "Aha, yes! First, this city. Then, this state. Then, this country. And soon, the entire world will be _mine!_ Ahahahahahahahaaaa!" The maniacal laughter trailed off as the car zoomed away.

"But who could be this diabolical fiend?!" Homer exclaimed. " _WHO?!_ "

"Dad, I think it's pretty obvious," Lisa said. "He's clearly got Mr. Smithers working for him, which can only mean-"

" _WHO?_ " Homer wailed, his daughter's words not sinking in.

" _Homer!_ " Marge exclaimed. "It's your boss, Mr. Burns!"

Homer shrieked. "AAAH! Mr. Burns? Where? _WHERE?!_ "

"In the limo!" Bart exclaimed. Homer merely gave him a blank stare. "...The limo that just drove past." More blank staring. "The limo containing the man who's been stealing Pokémon."

"...Who's been stealing what now?" asked Homer. Maggie, Marge, Lisa, and Bart facepalmed simultaneously.

" _Dad!_ " Lisa exclaimed. "Mr. Burns is the one stealing Pokémon, and we have to stop him!"

"Oh, Lisa," sighed Marge. "You're right, honey, but I think it's best we leave this up to the police-" She broke off there, however, for at that moment, Chief Wiggum wandered past their house. He was scratching his rear end with a nightstick, he looked utterly confused, and he also appeared to have misplaced his pants (not his underpants, though, to the immense relief of anyone looking at him). "...OK, we have to stop him," Marge conceded. "I'm just glad none of our Pokémon got stolen. I still have Minccino."

"I still have Gulpin," added Homer.

"Dad, I told you the other day, it evolved," sighed Lisa. "It's called Swalot now."

"Oh, right," said Homer.

"Anyway, I still have Kricketune," Lisa continued.

"I still got Scraggy," Bart added, sharing a fist bump with aforementioned Dark/Fighting-type. Even Maggie sucked on her pacifier twice, pointing at Magikarp.

"Then let's move on out!" Homer declared. "Eh, but first, we should find a babysitter for Maggie..."

But Maggie was shaking her head vehemently. She held Magikarp close to her, and there was a surprising look of determination in her eyes.

"...I think Maggie wants to be a part of this, too," Lisa said. "Besides, what with Burns's reign of terror, nowhere in Springfield's really safe anymore, so it wouldn't really matter where we left her."

"Hmm, I dunno," Marge sighed. "She's only a baby..."

"Hey, she shot Mr. Burns once before," said Bart. "She could do it again."

"Don't forget the time she got that Russ Cargill guy with the rock," added Homer.

"Oh, come on, Mom," Lisa pleaded. "Let Maggie come." Even Santa's Little Helper gave an approving bark.

"Oh... all right," relented Marge. She scooped Maggie up into her arms, and Homer led the way out the door.


	8. Chapter 7: Battling Mr Burns

"Now, let's see... where would Burns go?" Homer wondered out loud. "He's gone mad with power, he's plotting the downfall of the entire world..."

"Probably the nuclear plant," Marge suggested. "He's always mad with power and plotting the downfall of the world anyway."

"Makes sense to me," Bart shrugged.

"Let's go!" Lisa stated, leading the way to their car.

The drive to the nuclear power plant was not a long one, but it sure felt that way. The Simpsons were ever alert, keeping their eyes out for any of Burns's armies of Dark-type thieves. They encountered potential trouble at one point when a pack of Pawniard threatened to slash their tires, but some quick maneuvering on Homer's part got them out of the situation with no problems whatsoever.

At last, the power plant came into view... as did a pair of soldier-like Pokémon guarding the gate. They were red, black, and silver, metallic in appearance, and seemingly made entirely of blades. They resembled Pawniard somewhat, except bigger.

"Gah! What are those?" Marge exclaimed.

"Those are Bisharp!" Bart exclaimed. "They evolve from Pawniard!"

"We'll have to fight our way past them," Lisa stated.

"I got this," said Bart, climbing out of the car. Using his trusty slingshot, he fired his Poké Ball at the Bisharp. "Scraggy, High Jump Kick!" he exclaimed. Almost before he finished speaking, Scraggy burst free of the ball, already lunging knee-first at one of the Bisharp, thanks to the momentum gained from the slingshot. The Bisharp had no time to react before it was rammed to the ground.

"Wow, a one-hit KO!" Lisa exclaimed, impressed. "Mom, your turn!"

"I'm on it!" nodded Marge, already throwing a Poké Ball of her own. "Minccino, Dig!"

The blast of white energy that emerged from the ball had barely formed into Minccino before it dove into the ground. Before the other Bisharp could react, Minccino jumped out of the ground, striking it for major damage.

"Awesome!" Bart exclaimed.

"Why, thank you, Bart," smiled Marge.

"No, not that- look at Scraggy!" exclaimed Bart. Sure enough, as the rest of the family turned to look at Bart's Scraggy, they could only see a glowing blue mass changing shape. And sure enough, as the glow faded, what stood in Scraggy's place was definitely not a Scraggy.

"Wow, Bart!" Lisa exclaimed.

"Kaaaarp," added Magikarp.

"Ay carumba!" Bart exclaimed. "Scraggy evolved into Scrafty!"

"Way to go, son!" Homer exclaimed as Bart and Marge withdrew their Pokémon and re-entered the car. "Now let's go beat Burns and save the town!"

This was met with exclamations of approval and excitement from the rest of the family, and so Homer stepped on the gas, not even slowing down as he plowed right into the building.

"Uh, Homie, I think we can walk from here," Marge said nervously.

"Too slow. Take too much time," Homer argued as he rounded a corner and drove down a corridor. "This way faster." The rest of the family said nothing- arguing with Homer was often an exercise in futility, and besides, they _did_ want Burns dealt with as quickly as possible. At long last, Homer came to the double doors which led to Burns's office, and crashed right through them.

Inside Burns's office... it pretty much looked the same as usual. The only difference was that now Burns was wearing a black cape, and also petting a large catlike Pokémon who was sitting beside him. Waylon Smithers stood beside the desk, watching as the Simpsons filed out of their car.

"Smithers," Burns hissed. "Who is this dim-witted lummox?"

"That's, uh, Homer Simpson, sir," Smithers replied. "One of your donut receptacles from Sector 7G."

"Simpson, eh?" said Burns. "What business have you entering my office, never mind that you did so by car?"

"Mr. Burns," said Homer, "you've been stealing everybody's Pokémon, and we won't let you do it anymore."

"Heh," chuckled Burns. "Do you hear that, Smithers? They won't let me. HAH!" At that point, Burns rose to his feet. "Let me tell you something, Simpson. I don't give a Raticate's ass whether you will 'let' me do anything or not. I control most of this town's Pokémon, thanks to my dear Persian's Hypnosis move. I have legions of Dark Pokémon under Persian's spell who will do whatever I command of them. At the very snap of my fingers, they will converge on you all and tear you to shreds. Oh, and it should go without saying at this point, but you're fired."

"D'oh!" grunted Homer.

"Mr. Burns, my husband is right!" Marge declared. "You won't get away with this!"

Burns merely smirked. "Oh, won't I?" he retorted. "Persian, send them in."

Persian meowed in response, and almost immediately, a number of Pokémon started entering through various doors. Hordes of Krookodile, swarms of Drapion, packs of Pangoro, armies of Bisharp, and all sorts of others. All of them possessed the same dull look in their eyes as well, a fact Lisa was quick to notice.

"They're all hypnotized!" she exclaimed.

"Of course they are, you silly girl," snapped Burns. "Now! Crush them!"

The Simpsons acted as one. Bart, Lisa, Marge, and Homer readied their Poké Balls simultaneously and threw them (well, Bart launched his with his slingshot). Scrafty materialized, and immediately started delivering High Jump Kicks left and right. Kricketune materialized, and on Lisa's command, started unleashing a horribly noisy Bug Buzz. Minccino appeared, and joined Kricketune with Hyper Voice. Homer's Swalot also appeared, firing off its Sludge attack... at the Bisharp.

"Dad, Bisharp are Steel-types!" Lisa exclaimed. "Sludge won't work on them!"

The battle got underway, but it went wrong very quickly. Powerful though the Simpsons' Pokémon were, Burns's armies were simply too great in number. For every Krookodile Scrafty knocked out, two more appeared in its place. Minccino and Kricketune's attacks were proving effective, but also difficult to maintain. And Swalot's Sludge was still being aimed at the Bisharp every so often. Before long, the Simpsons found themselves backed into a corner.

"Hey, Lise," Bart said suddenly. "Don't you have that Luvdisc Milhouse gave you?"

"I gave it back to him!" Lisa shouted.

"D'oh!" grunted Bart.

"Wait a minute," Homer said suddenly. "If I know Burns's office, and I think I do... There!" he exclaimed, pointing at the bookshelf. "Swalot, Gunk Shot!"

"Swaaaaaaaalot!" exclaimed Swalot as it fired off a glowing purple trash bag from its mouth.

"Homie, what are you doing?!" Marge exclaimed. Before Homer could answer, however, the trash bag struck a bunch of books on the bookshelf, and at the same time, the floor opened up beneath the Simpsons and their Pokémon, and they fell down a dark metal chute.

"Oooh, blast!" Burns exclaimed. "Smithers, I thought I told you to disable that trapdoor!"

"But sir, you told me to keep it in perfect working order," Smithers objected.

"The hell I did!" snapped Burns. "Quickly, Persian, summon some Honchkrow. The chase is on."


	9. Chapter 8: Less Is Moe

The Simpson family was lying in a heap at a local garbage dump, dazed and confused, along with their Pokémon.

"Ohhhh..." groaned Marge. "Remind me never to use the trapdoors in Burns's office again."

"No problem," Homer mumbled. "Usually _he_ uses them on _you_. Besides, it got us away, didn't it?"

"I wouldn't be so sure, Dad," Lisa said, pointing at the sky behind them. Homer and Marge turned, and could see flocks of large black birds flapping their way.

"AAAHH! What are those things?!" shrieked Homer.

"They're Honchkrow, and there's tons of them!" Bart exclaimed. "They must be under Burns's control, too!"

"Dad, have Swalot use Ice Beam!" Lisa suggested. "Flying Pokémon are weak to Ice!"

Homer looked around, and thankfully, he spotted his Swalot just feet away, still a bit dazed from the wild trapdoor ride, but still conscious. "Swalot, use Ice Beam!" Homer ordered, pointing up at the oncoming Honchkrow hordes.

"Swaaa... swa! Swaaaaaaalot!" Swalot exclaimed as it regained its bearings, took aim, and unleashed the pale blue beam up at the sky. Unfortunately, while the attack was undoubtedly having an effect on the Honchkrow, it wasn't affecting enough of them at once.

"D'ooooh! There's too many of them!" Homer whined. "Lisa, isn't anything else good against them?

"Yes!" Lisa exclaimed. "Mom, remember that move your Minccino learned? That'll work, too!"

"You think so?" asked Marge. When Lisa nodded in response, Marge turned to the cleanliness-crazy chinchilla. "OK, Minccino! Thunderbolt!" she ordered.

"CiiiiiNOOOOOOO!" Minccino bellowed, its body crackling with electricity as it fired off a bolt of lightning at the Dark/Flying-types. That combined with Swalot's Ice Beam began to take out larger numbers of Honchkrow at once. But yet they still kept coming-

"Feebas, Blizzard!"

The family turned to look- there stood Moe, the bartender, wielding a shabby-looking fish like some sort of firearm. The Feebas was currently unleashing a howling snowstorm from its mouth, which seemed to spread to every single Honchkrow at once. The ones that weren't falling to the ground unconscious were turning around and hauling tail feather out of there, fear of the Ice move clearly overpowering the hypnosis.

"Moe! You saved us!" Homer exclaimed.

"Ehh, it's the least I could do," Moe replied modestly. "The way I figure it, the few of us what ain't been robbed by them Dark-types gotta stick together, right?"

"Moe, it's Mr. Burns behind all this," Lisa reported.

"Yeah, I figured as much," nodded Moe. "He came past the bar in that limo of his yesterday, had to keep asking that Smithers guy for help with his evil monologue."

"Moe," said Marge. "Who else in town still has their Pokémon?"

"Yeah- we tried to take the fight to Burns," added Bart, "but he had way too many Pokémon, we were outnumbered."

"Ehh, there's not many," Moe sighed. "Barney's still got his Spinda, though that ain't sayin' too much. I think those sisters of yours, Midge, they still got their Weezing, and Sideshow Mel still has that Marowak.

"What about Lenny and Carl?" asked Homer. "Do they still have those Hitmonwhatsits?"

"'Fraid not," Moe shook his head. "Couple o' Krookodile swiped them as they was headed to my bar, they were the first ones in town to get robbed."

"Come on," Lisa said to everybody. "If we stand any chance against Burns, we have to rally everyone in town who still has Pokémon."

"Yeah, I'm with youse," Moe declared. "Let's move!"

~~~Some time later...~~~

"...Ay carumba," sighed Bart.

"Yeah, this don't bode well," Moe agreed.

The Simpsons, working together with Moe, had managed to rally together all the Springfield residents who still had their Pokémon. Patty and Selma stood side by side with their Weezing floating above them, all of them wearing eerily identical expressions as the gases from the Weezing mixed with their Trainers' cigarette smoke; Sideshow Mel, faithful employee to Krusty the Clown, stood next to a small brown Pokémon with a skull for a head. Both of them brandished a bone like a weapon- in Mel's case, he was brandishing the bone he usually kept in his hair; Barney Gumbel, drunk as all hell, staggered around in a fruitless attempt to stand still as his Spinda stumbled around beside him; Seymour Skinner stood next to what appeared to be a blue punching bag with arms- a Wobbuffet; and Groundskeeper Willie, still looking as irritable as ever, stood next to a canine with beige and blue fur, including some on its face that resembled a small mustache- a Herdier; Comic Book Guy and his wife Kumiko stood side by side, a Munchlax sitting at the former's feet, and an Illumise fluttering above the latter; Eight-year-old Ralph Wiggum was standing still, picking his nose, apparently oblivious to everything going on, and a Slakoth was snoozing by his side.

"OK, we may not be much," Lisa admitted, addressing everyone present. "But right now, we're the best shot this town's got, and if we stand any chance against Burns, if there's any shot at getting everyone their Pokémon back, we gotta work together."

"Aye, the lass is right!" Willie nodded. "I cannae stand the thought of Willie's precious Herdier bein' taken away!"

"Yes," agreed Principal Skinner. "Ever since mother's Kangaskhan got stolen, she's been even less tolerable than usual."

"Let'ss fight!" slurred Barney.

"Spiiiinda!" added his drunk Pokémon.

"The only question now is," Lisa said, "where do we find Mr. Burns? We got lucky earlier when we correctly guessed he'd be driving right back to his office, but we can''t afford to be wrong, lest we fall into a trap-"

"There!" Mel exclaimed, pointing with his bone. "Is that not Burns's extravagant limousine right there?"

Lisa and the others turned around- sure enough, a sleek black car, much longer than was strictly necessary, was driving down a road some distance away.

"Yeah, that's Burns's car, all right!" Homer exclaimed.

"He's headed for the town square!" Marge added.

"Let's move!" Bart called out. Marge scooped up Maggie, who was still clutching Magikarp, and they all raced off towards the town square.

Of course, Burns's limo moved quite a bit faster than they could run, so by the time the group had made it there (oddly enough, Comic Book Guy wasn't even out of breath), they could already see a stage set up, and Mr. Burns standing on it, preparing to deliver a speech. To his left stood his Persian, and to his right, Smithers. Already gathered were many of Springfield's other residents- Krusty the Clown, Homer's father Abraham Simpson, the elderly Hans Moleman, Milhouse Van Houten, and the entirety of Springfield's police force, including Chief Wiggum (who apparently still had yet to locate his pants), among others.

"People of Springfield!" Burns was exclaiming. "The time is nigh! Soon, I will have complete control of every Pokémon in this city, and then I will be able to take over the rest of this state with ease! And from there, the country! And from there, the entire world! All I need to do is take the few Pokémon that remain out of my control... which, conveniently enough, seem to have been brought right to me!" he added, finally noticing the irate newcomers.

"Eat my shorts!" Bart retorted. "We're getting the town's Pokémon back!"

"Oh, are you?" smirked Burns. "I don't think so. Persian! Hypnosis!"

"Kricketune! Screech!" Lisa cried out. In response, Kricketune's blades glowed black, and it started rubbing them against each other, producing a shrill screeching noise. Everyone present had to cover their ears, which included Burns's Persian, stopping it from using Hypnosis.

"Bah! Fine!" spat Burns. "If I have to defeat the lot of you before taking control of your Pokémon, so be it! Persian... release the hounds."

Persian meowed in response, and suddenly, packs upon packs of black-grey canines stormed out from behind the stage, all snarling, growling, and barking. They were much larger and more ferocious-looking than Burns's usual hounds.

"Guys, those are Mightyena!" Lisa exclaimed. "They're Dark-types! Kricketune, Bug Buzz!"

"Scrafty, High Jump Kick!" called Bart.

"Minccino! Hyper Voice!" ordered Marge.

"Swalot, Body Slam!" added Homer.

All the others started joining in. Patty and Selma's Weezing floated above the fray, firing off Sludge Bombs at random Mightyena, On Willie's command, Herdier lunged at three Mightyena at once, demonstrating the full force of its Play Rough move. Skinner's Wobbuffet stood perfectly still, but as one Mightyena came running at it, a red aura came over Wobbuffet's body, which bounced the Mightyena back and sent it crashing into ten more of its kind, knocking them all to the ground in a spectacle that was only missing the bowling pin sound effects.

Minccino and Kricketune were working well together to weaken all the Mightyena at once, making it easier for the others to strike. Mel's Marowak ran from Mightyena to Mightyena, smacking each one in the head with its bone.

Ralph was watching his Slakoth as it charged up a ball of solar energy above its head... and then yawned and stopped, allowing the attack to disperse.

"Ralph!" Lisa exclaimed. "Slakoth can't use Solar Beam! Its Truant Ability makes it stop halfway through! Doesn't it know any other moves!"

"Yeah!" Ralph nodded. "Use Dig!" Lisa facepalmed as Slakoth burrowed its way underground, and Ralph waited patiently and obliviously for it to re-emerge. "I'm saving the town!" Ralph declared.

Before long, the few Mightyena that hadn't yet fainted started to retreat. "Whoo-hoo!" Homer cheered. "In your face, Burns!"

"Oh, really?" Burns replied ominously. "Persian, it's time. No holding back- bring forth everything under your control."

Persian meowed in agreement, causing the gathered citizens to glance around nervously as ominous rumbling sounds could be heard in the distance.


	10. Chapter 9: Maggie Makes Her Move

The citizens of Springfield gasped as one- coming in from the distance in all directions were hordes and hordes of Pokémon, all of them Dark-types. Krookodile, Bisharp, Pangoro, Drapion, Zoroark, and much, much more.

" _Now_ you see how foolish it is to go against C. Montgomery Burns?" thundered Mr. Burns. "Don't you get it? We outnumber you all! I will give you all one final chance to surrender peacefully."

"Never!" Lisa shouted. Several cries of assent followed this, and almost before being ordered to, their Pokémon started spreading out and attacking the oncoming Dark-types. Kricketune and Minccino resumed their Bug Buzz/Hyper Voice duet, Swalot launched Ice Beam after Ice Beam at the Krookodile (aided by Moe's Feebas's Blizzard), Patty and Selma's Weezing started attacking from the air with their Sludge Bomb attacks again, Ralph's Slakoth was still underground, and so on.

"Marowak! Use the Bonemerang!" Mel exclaimed.

"Maro...wak!" responded Marowak as it heaved its bone like a boomerang. It acted like one as well, striking two Bisharp and a Pangoro before returning to the thrower. It kept on repeating this tactic, while nearby, no fewer than five Pangoro lay collapsed in a heap, with Willie's Herdier standing triumphantly atop them.

The battle seemed to be going their way, as many of the Dark-types started to retreat rather than stay, fight, and lose like the others. But then, three of the Krookodile stomped the ground simultaneously, creating a massive Earthquake. Mel's Marowak, Willie's Herdier, even Skinner's Wobbuffet all fell from this. Homer looked hopefully up at the pair of Weezing, only to see several Zoroark rushing them with Night Slash all at once.

The Earthquake seemed to signal a shift in the battle's tide, as the Dark-types started to regain control of the battle. A single Hammer Arm from one of the Pangoro knocked Minccino right out, and Kricketune was starting to wear itself out with the constant Bug Buzzes. Likewise, Swalot was running low on energy, and a Bisharp's Psycho Cut, expertly aimed, knocked Feebas out of Moe's hands and rendered it unconscious.

"Uh-oh," Bart murmured as several Pangoro converged on his Scrafty and beat it senseless.

"Yes, excellent, excellent," smirked Burns. "Now, here is your final offer. Either you surrender your Pokémon over to me, or experience painful and immediate death. You see now how foolish you were to stand up to me, to ever interfere in my grandiose plans? If any of you are still fool enough to confront me, then step forward, so that an example may be made of you."

For a moment, nobody moved. Marge and Homer took each other's hand, realizing that they were well and truly screwed. Bart knelt down and hugged his barely-conscious Scrafty, and Lisa did likewise for her exhausted Kricketune.

And then the sound of muffled footsteps could be heard. Everybody looked around, but Marge was the first to find the source. "Maggie! _No!_ " she exclaimed.

"Whaaaaa?" Lisa cried out- sure enough, little Maggie was slowly walking towards Burns, dragging Magikarp behind her, still sucking away on her pacifier.

Burns's smirk widened. Homer tried to dash forward to scoop Maggie up, but a Bisharp held its blade to his neck, forcing him to hold still. "Well, well," Burns sneered. "Little Maggie Simpson. It stands to reason that a foolish baby is the one fool enough to still stand in my way. Fortunately, you won't be a problem to take out at all. You're not even armed this time. Why, all you have on you is that puny little pathetic flopping fish. And you think it'll be sufficient to subdue _my_ armies?"

Maggie looked up at Mr. Burns, still sucking on her pacifier. Then, she turned around and met Magikarp's gaze. The two maintained eye contact for a few seconds, and then Maggie gave two sucks on her pacifier and nodded. Almost immediately, a bright blue light could be seen from right behind Maggie, obscuring any view one had of Magikarp. A collective gasp went up from the crowd, and Burns's smirk faded a little.

Magikarp grew larger and longer, and drastically so. Its rapidly lengthening body grew taller, with Maggie somehow now atop it, towering over everyone present. Finally, the glowing faded away, revealing a ferocious blue serpent, roaring and shrieking madly, and glaring down at Burns, Maggie riding on its head.

"...Oh, poopy," Burns muttered.

"Ay carumba!" Bart exclaimed.

"Magikarp evolved!" Lisa cheered. "It's a Gyarados now!"

"Marge," Homer said. "We're gonna need a bigger fish tank."

Just then, Maggie seemed to clear her throat, and even took out her pacifier. Her family's eyes widened, for it seemed as though she was getting ready to say something.

"Oh my god! Her first word! Her first word!" Marge exclaimed.

"Her first word?" repeated Bart. "Maggie's said her 'first words', what, four times now?"

"Why, you little-!" Homer snarled as he put his hands around Bart's throat, intent on strangling him. "I'll... teach... you to... question... continuity!"

"Quiet! Quiet!" Marge hushed them.

Indeed, Maggie was ready to say something. She glared down at Burns, pacifier out of her mouth. "Hyper Beam," said Maggie.

Almost immediately, a purple-black beam of pure destructive force erupted from Gyarados's gaping mouth. The beam struck almost a dozen Dark-types at once, and as it subsided, they all lay collapsed in a heap. This, the other Dark-types seemed to figure, was their cue to get outta there, for many of them started running away at once.

"Come back here, you cowards!" Burns screamed after the Dark-types. "It's just one Pokémon!"

"Is Maggie OK up there?" Marge worried fretfully, looking up at the formidable Gyarados her baby was riding on top of.

"Of course she is," nodded Lisa. "Don't you see how careful Gyarados is being to make sure she doesn't fall?

"Hey, everybody!" came a voice. Everyone turned to look- Lenny and Carl were walking away from the open trunk of Burns's limo, each one carrying a large crate packed with Poké Balls. Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan were following them, also carrying such crates. "We found them! The stolen Pokémon!" Lenny exclaimed. "Burns was carrying them in his limo the whole time!"

"Stop them! STOP THEM!" Burns exclaimed. "Smithers, do something!"

"I can't sir," replied Smithers. "I never managed to catch another Pokémon after Meowth."

"Ohh, do I have to do everything myself!?" grumbled Burns. "Persian, sic 'em!"

The crowds of Springfield residents currently reclaiming their Pokémon looked around- the remaining Dark-types were swarming them, and now even Burns's Persian was joining in the fray itself.

"ATTAAAAAACK!" bellowed Homer. He picked up Swalot (an impressive feat, considering Swalot was just as big as Homer!) and threw it at a Krookodile. Taking the cue, Swalot went right into an Ice Beam, freezing the Krookodile solid.

The rest of the town joined in with great gusto. Pokémon were being called out in such great quantities that Burns had to shield his eyes, and before he knew it, his troops were getting pummeled before his very eyes. The bullies' Machop, Sawk, Timburr, and Hawlucha were all ganging up on a single Bisharp; Krusty's Ambipom was efficiently hitting two enemies at once with its twin tails; a Bisharp was knocked down by Comic Book Guy's Munchlax with a single Brick Break, while Kumiko's Illumise weakened all of the enemies at once with a single Dazzling Gleam.

Gyarados was the star of the show. With several well-aimed Hydro Pumps, it reduced Burns's stage to a sorry, soggy pile of kindling. Burns and Smithers had fled the stage just in time. And now it was attacking the Dark-types with Hydro Pump and Hyper Beam, each move taking out its intended target in a single blow. The rest of the family was doing pretty well, too, and before long, all that remained was Burns, Persian, and Smithers.

"Montgomery Burns, you're under arrest," announced Chief Wiggum, his Growlithe by his side once more, growling and snarling at the ancient billionaire.

"You all just made yourselves a very powerful enemy today," Burns grumbled, glaring at everyone around him. "Mark my words, this isn't over."

"It sure looks over to me," smirked Officer Lou as he slapped handcuffs on Burns.

"Uh, Lou, maybe leave the snappy remarks to me?" muttered Wiggum.

"Well, I'm just saying, Chief, you weren't bringing anything to the table," replied Lou as they escorted Burns to their car. As they pulled away, Persian watched the car drive away, mewling pitifully.

"Don't worry, Persian," Smithers said as he stroked the Normal-type's head. "We'll get him out."

Meanwhile, absolutely everybody else present was celebrating. The townspeople were hugging their Pokémon, and being hugged back by them (the ones with limbs, anyway), especially the ones whose Pokémon had been stolen- they were especially thrilled to be reunited.

"Whoo-hoo!" Homer exclaimed as his father stood behind him, happily rejoicing at the return of his Audino.

"We did it, Bart!" said Lisa. "Well, really, it was mostly Maggie and Gyarados." From way up on Gyarados's head, Maggie looked down at her older sister and flashed a thumbs-up her way.

Once the townspeople were starting to disperse and head home, Gyarados slowly lowered its head to the ground, allowing Marge to take Maggie in her arms. "Thank you, Gyarados," Marge smiled at the Water/Flying-type. "You saved us all, including my baby."

Gyarados gave a roar in response, but it was a decidedly friendlier and happier roar than it had given when facing Burns and his Dark-types. It then moved its head closer. Marge flinched, but then saw what Gyarados was doing. It was actually nuzzling Maggie, and tickling her with its huge whiskers. Maggie giggled at this, then took out her pacifier and offered it to Gyarados. To general amusement, Gyarados accepted it and started sucking on it. Several onlookers chuckled, but swiftly stopped as Gyarados shot them a look.

"Let's go home, family," Homer said once the five of them and their Pokémon were the only ones still present.

"But how?" asked Bart. "You left the car in Burns's office."

In response, Gyarados gave a short roar to get their attention. Maggie looked up at Marge, and started pointing up at Gyarados.

"I think Maggie's got our transportation covered," smiled Lisa.

~~~Two minutes later...~~~

"WHOO-HOO!" Homer cheered from atop Gyarados's head. The entire family was seated on Gyarados's head, and the Atrocious Pokémon was slithering along the streets of Springfield, carrying the family home. "I always knew that fish Maggie found would be good for something!"

"No, you didn't," Bart pointed out. "You laughed at it and called it useless."

"Heh, heh... I'm sure Gyarados knows I was only kidding," Homer chuckled nervously, unaware that Gyarados's whiskers were sneaking up behind him. Then, the whiskers lashed themselves around Homer's neck. "GAAACK!" choked Homer, which elicited uproarious laughter from Bart. At this, Homer reached out for Bart's neck. "Why... you... little...!" Homer managed to choke out. Marge sighed at this spectacle. Some things would truly never change, would they?

 **THE END**


	11. Epilogue: One Month Later

"Unbelievable!" Lisa raged as she sat on the sofa with Kricketune. "This is unbelievable! They let Mr. Burns out of jail just like that?!"

"Now, Lisa, sweetie," Homer said as he sat down on the sofa beside his daughter. "Mr. Burns is a very rich man, and sometimes he can use his money to get his own way."

"Well, that's not fair!" fumed Lisa. "He tried to steal everybody's Pokémon, he should rot in jail for the rest of his miserable life!"

"Well, look at it this way," said Marge as she entered the room. "At least they forced him to hire back everyone he fired in his fit of maniacal rage, and that includes your father."

"Oh, I guess there's that," sighed Lisa.

"Besides, now that Maggie's got a big, scary Gyarados, I think Burns'll think twice before trying something like that again," grinned Homer.

"I hope so," sighed Lisa.

Just then, on the TV, Kent Brockman had cleared his throat and was speaking again. "This just in," he was saying, "the governor has given approval for the state to start up America's very first Pokémon League, with headquarters in Capitol City. Thus far, there are plans for Pokémon Gyms to be constructed in Shelbyville and Springfield. More on this as it develops."

"Cool, a Pokémon League," Bart grinned as he entered the room. "I might just start traveling, collecting badges, challenge the Pokémon League."

"Basically, Trainers travel to their local Pokémon Gyms and challenge their leaders to battles," Lisa explained, upon noticing the confused look on Marge's face. "If you win, you earn that Gym's badge, and if you earn all eight badges, you can battle the best Trainers in the area at the Pokémon League headquarters."

"Ohhh," nodded Marge. "Well, I dunno, it sounds like Bart would be traveling around a lot, and he's still pretty young..."

"Mom, you got no right to pull that card on me," Bart stated. "If Maggie can single-handedly fend off armies of hypnotized Pokémon, I think I can handle traveling around the state with my Pokémon."

"Wait a minute," said Homer. "Traveling? Adventure? All as a result of recent events? That sounds like... like..."

"Like a sequel," Bart finished.

"Why, you little-!" Homer exclaimed as he sprang from his seat and started strangling Bart. "We... don't... do... sequels... in... this... family!"

"Homie, stop!" Marge pleaded.

"You're right!" Homer declared as he let go of Bart's throat. "There's only one way to stop a sequel from happening, Marge, and that's to go straight to the source." With that, he turned and started walking towards the- whoa, what- Homer, stop! Stop!

"Nothing doing!" said Homer as he continued to strangle the author. "I'll stop when you promise to not write a sequel!" Never! "Oh, what are you gonna do to stop me?" scoffed Homer. "What, are you just gonna stop writing the epilogue so I'll stop strangl-"


End file.
